oh no! I forgot to live my life. Darn it.

Hadn’t realised that I had already created this blog! This is not the aah, beautiful people site! This is the “other” stuff. So now I have like, (man), about 5 blogs – the REAL mothering blog, the  everything’s fine thanks life (actually that’s not a bad name for a blog either!! ),  inspiration pictures so I don’t clog up my harddrive (clothes, colours, scenes, thoughts inspirations and so on) and some other random ones – I think a censored for the family blog??

S0 – been thinking greatly about the point of life lately. The purpose – the reason, the whole – so what’s it all about and just how much of my life have I wasted anyway? yeah,  I’ve been a tad depressed. You know I should almost name this one of my “coloured stocking phases” ie. coloured stockings representing those who are most cool, and up yours everyone and I don’t follow you kind of thing. I kid myself that I don’t live life to the full because I’m overweight, but lots of underweight people don’t go there either. Plus, it’s a slow real change so it will take a while I’m thinking. I have to think a lot about what I want from life, what I want to be remembered for, what I want to have done. Maybe start making that list?

Mybro- seems to have been on that journey as well, in a different way. He seems to be enacting that movie “yes” in some ways. I sort of  feel like I’ve been there done that kind of thing when I was 18 or so, but that’s not entirely true either.

Sometimes, I still regret that I didn’t discover political science or similar when I was mid twenties but for how long can I go on regretting that stuff?  My main question for the next year or little while or whatever, is how to be content? how to live “in-the-moment”? Not when I’m perfect (aint gonna happen), not when I’m rich (been rich, didn’t happen then either) not when I’m gorgeous (that boat has flown (sic) as I was gorgeous and didn’t take enough advantage of it at the time…) so how do you go forward now? how do I get what I want out of life now, given that the last 35 years – although important and significant and contributing to who I am now, were in retrospect considerably wasted. But then – what is wasted? what/who would I want to be now if I could? That I do need to decide so I don’t wander around the world with a vacant look on my face thinking

“This whole being alive thing, yeah I totally fucked it- oops!”

I know I need to enjoy my children more. I would like more energy. I need to read and apply “7 successful strategies to a more efficient life” or whatever that bloody book is called. *sigh* I also need to see my psychiatrist and maybe not blog after a rather strong cosmopolitan. hah! Things are about a 7 out of 10 moving up. They would be a 6.5 but I had a bath today for about 40 minutes which was really heavenly. Oh and no children in it with me – V. important!


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